fishing humour

World’s shortest fairy tale

I know it is so old it wears a bear-skin and carries a club, but there must be one other person on the planet who has not seen it

Posted by Tony Bishop in fishing humour

The Very Famous Fisherman’s Dirty Little Secret

I recently wrote an article on Fishing Cheats, and it sure added to my email burden. Most were incredulous at the lengths some fishermen will go to, to massage their egos.

There were a good number of stories of cheats, swindlers, and con-artists of the angling persuasion, that people had encountered over the years.

But one comment on the fishing cheats blog-entry asked if the the cheat with the small rod was a famous fly fisherman. Actually he was not, but it did lead me down the memory path on some of my experiences with ‘famous fishermen’.

So I take a leaf out of the sensational magazines and tell a story about a very famous fly fisherman, and how the camera can, an often does, lie. [More]

Posted by Tony Bishop in fishing humour

The Words Get in the Way

It was interesting, the reports in US web-sites about a Kiwi angler who “snagged” a 700lb tuna. Great fish and all, but the reports show just how different Amglish has become. The reports I am sure were meant to indicate the angler had caught the fish, but in English snagged means to foul-hook a fish, by accident or worse.

The list of the differences between English and Amglish are many, but some can lead to great embarassment – like when I asked a Secretary of a company I was visiting in the US for a rubber. Fortunately help was at hand to explain I wanted an eraser.

I can still remember my reaction when a female US client of mine asked me to hand her, her fanny pack. In English ‘fanny’ is not the backside, and only females have one.

Still I suppose that all these differences only serve to enrich the language, because if English is nothing else it is constantly evolving. But there is one word that Amglish has invented that has no place in anybodies language, and that is ‘gotten’, it is ugly, it is inelegant, and the originator should be shot at dawn ?

Posted by Tony Bishop in fishing humour, Life & Stuff

Promises, Promises

Paul, my brother-in-law is, a very keen fisherman and hunter. He does the fishing report on a local radio station. He also works in a tackle shop. Which is where I visited him an hour or so ago.

I was hoping he would tell me he had a bunch of mallard feathers, as promised, from his shoot on the duck-shooting opening day a couple of weeks ago.

He greeted me with a reminder of an article I wrote a year or two ago about the dangers of promising someone, anyone, a feed of fish. It is a certain way of ensuring no fish. So it was for Paul – he was skunked for the first time in over 30 years shooting.

So no ducks for Paul, no mallard feathers for poor old Bish. But all is not lost, you might get a chuckle, (and a warning) out of the Promises, Promises article.

Posted by Tony Bishop in fishing humour

Men and fish are attracted by visually stimulating lures

From FlyFish Magazine :

Women anglers are getting into fly fishing in great numbers. It seems that they are not only using their new found knowledge of the sport to catch trout or bass, they are using it to catch men! Behold Gail Ruben’s book “A Girl’s Pocket Guide to Trouser Trout.”

“The trout hunts by sight. Men and fish are attracted by visually stimulating lures. Look your best, and wear eye-catching accessories that start conversations, such as unique jewelry or outrageous cowboy boots.”

I call foul on this tactic! Any woman who would resort to trying to lure a man by wearing some sort of high heels or cowboy boots, or cheerleader costume…or leather …….. sorry, I just lost my train of thought completely.

Posted by Tony Bishop in fishing humour, weird fishy stuff

Milly and Ted’s Big Day Out Fishing – a bit of humour

Over the sixty plus years I have been fishing I have seen many funny things happen, but for some reason, launching a boat at the boat ramp seems to produce the most funny incidents; most as in number and most as in high giggle factor.

A few years ago myself and a number of others watched one of life’s little dramas unfold on a ramp, and it stuck in the back of my mind for a long time. There just had to be a story behind the story of what transpired on the ramp, so here it is…

They’d ‘had words’. Their faces and body language told the story, even to a casual observer.

Milly’s face puckered into that ‘I was weaned on gherkin’ look, that some women practise to perfection. She stared out to sea, her mind a seething riot, as it reviewed events leading to this situation.

At the top of the boat ramp, Ted stomped about the boat, preparing for the trip. His jaw was clamped, his nostrils flared.

Yes, definitely, trouble at mill. Trouble that began brewing two weekends ago.

Ted was preparing his boat and fishing gear, ready for an early start the following morning. Milly, watching his eager work, fired the first shot, “You think more of that boat and fishing gear, than you do me.” Ted, realising that full-blown hostilities could erupt at any moment, raised the truce flag, “Don’t be silly Milly, you know I love fishing, and it should be a good day tomorrow. That’s why I’m excited.”

The truce held for 3 or 4 minutes, so Ted was beginning to think the truce might hold, when Milly fired another shot. “You used to take me fishing, but you never do now.” Ted thought, “That was thirty years ago, before we had kids, and she said she didn’t really like fishing, and she made me put on bait and take fish off hooks, and, and…’

Ted thought that, but instead said, “Would you like to come fishing the weekend after next?” It just popped out, and there was no way of taking it back.

Milly pounced, “Oh, really? I’d love to.”

There it was, set in concrete…..continued here.

Posted by Tony Bishop in fishing humour, Life & Stuff

Fishing – What’s In It For Me?

The tackle was good. A top of the line 10 to 15 kilo jig stick, the best 5:1 reel, a fill of good line, and a tackle box full of all the goodies, all gleaming shiny and new on the counter.

The card was good too. The figure of $750.oo rocketed along the phone lines to the big computer in Wellington (NZ), and returned bearing the ‘approved’ sign on the card machine. I handed over the docket for the customer to sign, under the watchful eye of his wife.

Her face puckered into an ‘I just bit into a lemon’ look, and the tart remark shot out, “You will have to catch a lot of fish to cover that.”
My observation that the purchase price was only 15, two kilo snapper at fish shop prices, was greeted with the special look some people reserve for smart ass salespeople. Icy is too mild a description. The fact that every brass monkey for miles around was clutching their part’s privy, will give some idea of the frostiness of the glare.

She, and then he, began a vigorous discussion on the merits or otherwise of fishing tackle purchases. There was some emphasis placed on much needed, but not yet purchased kitchen appliances, a roof that needed painting, and the like. Discretion being by far the much better part of valour, I retired to the back of the shop to become busy doing something, anything.

‘Anything’, turned out to be some deep thought on the economics of fishing tackle purchases.

The first, and perhaps obvious train of thought that rattled through this, then, tackle store owner’s, brain, involved the purchase of fishing tackle. Purchasing heaps of expensive tackle seemed an excellent hypothesis to me.

This thought passed, replaced by an enquiry. Why do I spend so much time fishing? What is in it for me? ……story continues www.bishfish.co.nz/articles/general/economics.htm

Posted by Tony Bishop in fishing humour